Scope and Contents 00:00 Nick [N] born 1972. Mum a shop manager and Dad a painter and decorator, now a retired fireman. Brought up in Bellshill, a working-class mining town in North Lanarkshire. N left Bellshill at 18, did not fit in. Siblings and extended family still live traditional life there, having children when young. N wasn’t like that.02:12 Always felt different. Named a ‘tomboy’: liked the ‘boy’ part, but different from other tomboys. Identified more with boys but different, not a girl or...

Scope and Contents 00:00 Nick [N] born 1972. Mum a shop manager and Dad a painter and decorator, now a retired fireman. Brought up in Bellshill, a working-class mining town in North Lanarkshire. N left Bellshill at 18, did not fit in. Siblings and extended family still live traditional life there, having children when young. N wasn’t like that.02:12 Always felt different. Named a ‘tomboy’: liked the ‘boy’ part, but different from other tomboys. Identified more with boys but different, not a girl or...

Scope and Contents 00:00 Socialised differently inside and outside school: Catholic and Protestant split. Against faith schools. N different in school. George Michael hair style: androgynous. Gender differentiated in teens: N left out of binary - isolated. N identified with boys’ development. Bullied, afraid of developing. Teen years difficult, missing memories.05:38 Coronation Street, That’s Life: didn’t identify with people on TV. Identified with Boy George, gender ambiguity: obsessed with...

Scope and Contents 00:00 Socialised differently inside and outside school: Catholic and Protestant split. Against faith schools. N different in school. George Michael hair style: androgynous. Gender differentiated in teens: N left out of binary - isolated. N identified with boys’ development. Bullied, afraid of developing. Teen years difficult, missing memories.05:38 Coronation Street, That’s Life: didn’t identify with people on TV. Identified with Boy George, gender ambiguity: obsessed with...

Scope and Contents 00:00 Contacted Gay Switchboard by letter - embarrassed, terrified. N finds labels restrictive - tried to fit into ‘lesbian’, lost parts of self; only option was to accept being a woman, though different kind: lesbian. Switchboard told N about Austin’s bar, Hope Street, Glasgow. Spent summer terrified to enter and underage: 17. Anxiously attended ‘ice breaker’: people were friendly. Invited to go to Bennets at weekend. Had to lie to Mum: suspicious of N but happy that N was going out and...

Scope and Contents 00:00 Contacted Gay Switchboard by letter - embarrassed, terrified. N finds labels restrictive - tried to fit into ‘lesbian’, lost parts of self; only option was to accept being a woman, though different kind: lesbian. Switchboard told N about Austin’s bar, Hope Street, Glasgow. Spent summer terrified to enter and underage: 17. Anxiously attended ‘ice breaker’: people were friendly. Invited to go to Bennets at weekend. Had to lie to Mum: suspicious of N but happy that N was going out and...

Scope and Contents 00:00 First relationship: Alison, 10 years older, worked at Celino’s Italian restaurant, Glasgow. Alison seemed rich and freer. Met at Bennets in October 1989: the following June, Alison asked N to move in. N afraid to tell Mum, so told her and left home day after: little brother affected. When N shares coming out story, would say Mum accepting because not emotional, ‘nothing happened’.03:54 Moved in with Alison, got job at same restaurant: N had little experience of restaurants,...

Scope and Contents 00:00 First relationship: Alison, 10 years older, worked at Celino’s Italian restaurant, Glasgow. Alison seemed rich and freer. Met at Bennets in October 1989: the following June, Alison asked N to move in. N afraid to tell Mum, so told her and left home day after: little brother affected. When N shares coming out story, would say Mum accepting because not emotional, ‘nothing happened’.03:54 Moved in with Alison, got job at same restaurant: N had little experience of restaurants,...

Scope and Contents 00:00 Started access course at Coatbridge College: loved it, didn’t find it difficult. Started college androgynous, introduced self as ’Nicky’. Class of 13, 1 man coming out as gay, half of class had a same-sex-experience: stories shared over alcohol. Most brilliant and worst of times: N internalised concerns, but wrote every night about feelings.02:42 G.P. visit: N disclosed struggles with gender, G.P. focused on sexuality. N frustrated, felt had to lie about sexual attraction...