00:00 Socialised differently inside and outside school: Catholic and Protestant split. Against faith schools. N different in school. George Michael hair style: androgynous. Gender differentiated in teens: N left out of binary - isolated. N identified with boys’ development. Bullied, afraid of developing. Teen years difficult, missing memories.

05:38 Coronation Street, That’s Life: didn’t identify with people on TV. Identified with Boy George, gender ambiguity: obsessed with Culture Club. Daily Record, derogatory headlines: ‘gender bender’, but at least recognition.

08:15 N identified with younger ‘masculine’ girl in Bellshill, who wanted to be called ‘James’. No people like N on TV. Trans women represented: sensationalised. Out On Tuesday, about gay people: identified with ‘masculine’ lesbians, watched secretly. Told of Pink Triangle, ‘poofs and lezzies’: recognition felt significant, though portrayed as sinister.

13:00 Puberty progressed: stopped socialising. Bellshill Harriers, loved running: felt free. Stopped due to puberty: numb. Tried to conform, felt resigned: ‘lost myself’. Liked androgynous body, comfortable with genitals: no choice in puberty - depressed, started truanting.

16:17 Enjoyed drawing and writing. Loved English, art and PE (until puberty). Art teacher Miss McPherson liked David Bowie: respectful to N staying in art department.

Got lost in books, stories. N repetitively drew boys: N drew self as boy at 6. Gran retired head teacher, read her books, liked poetry. Wrote stories about family: adventures of N as a boy. Played with boy doll and cut-out pictures of boys. Expressed identity in play.

21:07 Always had sexual feelings. Childish curiosity: caught by Mum, humiliated. Society is uncomfortable about sex, passed onto kids. Religion: shame around sex. Taboo made sexuality more interesting. Curious: experimented with other kids, but felt this was bad. Had sex at 13, boy told people, seen as hero, while N was called names: double standard. N promiscuous: behaved male but seen as female: felt shame, depressed.

27:02 N came out as bisexual to sister’s friend at 14: bad reaction. Knew term and seemed to fit. Flirted with girl: felt good, felt like a boy. Boys were for sex, girls for feeling masculine. Interpreted experience as bisexuality. Sister’s girlfriends treated N differently, which N liked. But when came out as bisexual to Jackie, she avoided N and told people, so N said it was a joke.

30:51 Aged 16 came out as lesbian, as seen on Out On Tuesday. Identified with Boy George too: gentle masculinity. Boy George and masculine women, similar gender performance, identified with both. Lesbian identity gave N somewhere to fit.