00:00 Margaret [M], aged 58, born Glasgow 1947. Left school at 16. One brother. Father alcoholic: M had to listen to all kinds of abuse at weekends. Father was very bigoted: in later life she could not have come out to him. Mother was very loving and made up for what Dad didn’t give. Not well-off. Tenement block – religious mix.

03:39 The year things switched on for M was 1955, watching the film ‘Calamity Jane’: women together seemed perfect. All girls class at school. 24 in class, 8 called Margaret. Leading up to school dances the girls would practise with a girl partner. Preferred dancing with girls, not attracted to boys. M didn’t know any gay people until aged 40. Working-class Glaswegian circles, not many people came out. Played with boy as child, later on found out he was gay. Tough area to live in. M was tomboy: didn’t like playing with dolls and prams, even though very maternal now.

08:57 When M went to secondary school, sexual feelings opened up, but because nobody spoke about anything, you had to contend with it yourself. Had a strong attraction to a friend, which was returned. Friend was still attracted to boys too: M upset about this. As M began to get more confused later in life, she blamed the friend for instigating it, but this was wrong. Went to dancehalls. Had one boyfriend for two years, more of a pal: you had to have a boyfriend. Loved to have gone away, to emigrate, but couldn’t leave her mother with her father, because M was the one person who stood up to him.

11:34 Aged 21, she married the only man to whom she had ever been attracted. Marriage at the time was right for M: was happy to get married. Met at school. Girl she had been in love with was still in her life. The night M got married, this friend was in tears, and M gave her a ring. Moved to England. Husband away with Army. Stayed in Aldershot. Saw lesbian soldiers, but to M seemed like men: didn’t want to be associated with them. Trousers still unusual for women. First pair of trousers, aged 17. Didn’t identify with lesbians. Had son and daughter. Enjoyed motherhood.

16:33 Unfinished business as children got older. More time for herself. Bought first gay book, Rubyfruit Jungle: frightened buying it in supermarket, hid it. Watched Desert Hearts secretly. Phoned Gay Switchboard in Glasgow. M was asked if married, and was warned to think about consequences: set her back two years. Marriage broke down: not a bad marriage, but couldn’t go through the pretence of the bedroom. Aged 41/42, financially dependent on husband. Fear of being alone. Separated. Delayed divorce for 5 years for financial reasons.

23:39 After attempts to date in singles club, rejected that and contacted Lesbian Line.

Was 42 and felt ancient. Not used to having time for herself. Through Lesbian Line, met two women in George Square. They were much younger, dressed in very different way, and M could not identify with them. M didn’t want to be seen going across George Square with them. Worried might be seen by daughter’s friends. Nervous wreck. When talked, they were very understanding. Arranged to meet someone of M’s own age.

28:55 Met woman of same age. Realised there were ‘all different types of people out there’. Woman she met was married and having affair with woman 20 years younger. Invited to women’s disco at Glasgow School of Art, hidden from family. Wore dress, and realised it was the wrong thing to wear. There is a dress code, also politics and lifestyle that were unfamiliar to M, e.g. veganism. One woman said ‘you’re new aren’t you?’ Felt out of place but also at peace. Left after an hour.

33:27 Felt isolated, nobody to talk to. Felt had to go through with it, so got in touch with Lesbian Line, met one or two friends, met a partner 20 years younger. Worried about being seen in a gay bar: partner had to bully her into it. One night in gay bar saw woman she knew, and was worried rumours would start.