Concealed life from children. Later on children started to suspect something. Son was still living at home. M was asked to move in with a woman. Asked son to stay with uncle, which M now thinks was wrong. Needed to give reason for moving: lied and said needed to rent out flat for money. Moved back after a year. Still in relationship with woman, kept hidden. Bought house together in Glasgow. Son had moved out by now; both children living with partners. M gave spiel that didn’t want to live alone. Unhappiness about keeping it hidden. Some years later M came out: son’s reaction was better. Daughter still doesn’t like it, doesn’t talk about it. Told brother. Asked family if they knew, but although had suspicions they hadn’t wanted to think about it.

05:37 Came out at 42. Had set up group for older lesbians, became treasurer. Important to have someone of own age group when coming out, or finding yourself alone after long term relationship. Group of 15-20 women all 35+ met through Lesbian Line. Thought of a name: OLGA – Older Lesbians Getting Around, could keep the group secret within straight society. Still hidden from family while treasurer; nervous about depositing cheques in bank. Pleased about association with OLGA and keeps in touch. Meet in GLC [Glasgow Gay and Lesbian Centre] on Saturday afternoons. Would liked to have been more out and able to befriend other women in same situation. Easier for younger people now due to education.

11:48 Son has spoken twice about men approaching him. There are still anti-gay jokes in family situations. Haven’t included children in her life as a lesbian. Son showed tenderness when she told him. Daughter married into Catholic family who may disapprove, though son-in-law has gay friend. Gay men accepted, gay women not. Works in factory: not out at work, understandably if you listen to some of the talk.

Workforce mainly young males. Example of young lesbian who won tribunal, because of sexual bullying.

15:55 Terms used for lesbian/gay. Talks about lack of knowledge at school: lesbians were invisible. Lack of education about sexuality and feelings during puberty. Gran from Isle of Lewis had female friend from Inverness who visited once a year and would share bed with Gran: Grandpa was put in other bedroom. Cousin later said this woman was gay. Gran’s eldest son apparently caught them and never spoke to them again. M wondered if Gran was gay. M could never come out to father. Mother now too frail to be told: had just wanted M to be happy, and M felt she could not bring extra burden of worry to mother. Brother was fine, but didn’t understand: spoke of his lesbian fantasy.

23:59 No partner now. Not discussed with family. Life in limbo. Moved in with mother one year ago. Taking care of her, as totally disabled. Full time carer: no time for anything else. Family glad to have her back in role as carer. M has had 2 lives, married and gay, and the best of both worlds. Lucky going into retirement and having a grandchild. Loves children and glad not to have missed out.

27:35 Support from friends within lesbian community. Being alone is difficult whether gay or straight when interacting with couples. No longer seeking a relationship. More settled, and not as frightened of being on her own. Talks to best friend who gives support, doesn’t have to hide anything: without that friendship would be very lonely. Fortunate to have 20 years of marriage and then relationships with women. M felt her own lack of education: most women in the lesbian community were professional. Has open up lots of different things to her, including books and music. ‘In that respect it has been a better life.’